Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Does Distance Strenghten or Weaken Relationships?

NP - Nickelback - Someday

You hear stories of both. 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder', and yet 'out of sight, out of mind'. (dont you just love that - conflicting proverbs). So what is it then?

Obviously both. Does it depend on the person? I think, at least to some extent, it does. I'm trying to think of what it is in a person that would make them grow closer or further to someone far away, but I cant think of what quality it is. Maybe its sentimentality - as you think of the 'good times', you wish they were still around. Who knows.

It also depends on what type of relationship you're talking about. Friendship, or couples? You hear countless stories of couples that couldn't handle the distance, and ultimately broke up (whether by mutual agreement, or one cheating on the other - or both). You hear the odd story here and there of the couple that stayed together through it all, and got married in the end (I've personally heard one or two myself, and its always good to hear it). But what about normal friendships? When you and your best friend go your separate ways, be it for uni or for work or whatever, what happens then? Do you store the past somewhere in your heart and move on, make new friends, and in time forget the old? Or do you keep in contact with the old, regular contact, and become closer than you ever were? Again, I've heard stories of both. And what scares me is - without realising - forgetting the old. It hasn't happened yet, but one day my 'new' friends will become 'old' friends, as I graduate and work god-knows where. What then?

Posted by illogicist at 2:24 PM

6 Comments

  1. Blogger PizzaQueen posted at 12/14/2005 11:31:00 PM  
    Lack of sex, that becomes a big problem
  2. Blogger illogicist posted at 12/15/2005 12:20:00 AM  
    Im sure you're right, which is why I've heard of couples over long distance engaging in phone sex (which sounds a bit...:s to me, but I guess they do what they have to do). But many relationships, at least in the M.E., dont actually have sex until after marriage...and friendships dont usually have sex involved! So I don't think its the only thing there...
  3. Blogger A. Woman in black posted at 12/15/2005 03:15:00 AM  
    I've lost contact with many of my friends from High School and University. Not only because of the physical distance between us, but because of the way our lives and thoughts have taken different paths.
    I have a friend that is always with me and I think about her almost every day even though I only see her when I go back home to the states to visit. We dont even write or email each other that often . I have known her since I was 12 years old and we are so totally different from each other.
    I still have a few friends from University that I keep in contact with and we talk or get together on special occasions like when one of us gets married or has a baby or something...thats about it.

    I think things do change with friends once they finish school and start working and
    get married and start having families. It is sad because I can still remember feeling the same way you describe...like scared because I loved all my friends and
    the way we would sit and talk and I never wanted it to end..I never wanted the time to come that i knew would eventually come and in the end did !

    I still do have one of those special friends ,though and they know who they are :-)
  4. Blogger PizzaQueen posted at 12/15/2005 05:02:00 AM  
    more chances ?
  5. Blogger illogicist posted at 12/15/2005 06:24:00 AM  
    thanks for your reply WIB :) (thats my new name for you!)

    By the end of highschool, I had a fairly small class - about 4 other guys and 4 other girls. At the time, it seemed the easiest and most logical thing in the world to stay in contact with each other. An email now and then, an SMS message, friends for life :). Hasn't worked out that way. Three of them I've become much closer too, because both sides made the effort to stay in contact. Yeah, Ive actually become CLOSER than we were during school. MSN is so much better than email, but an email now and then reinforces what you have.

    The others, well, I tried to make the effort, but it wasn't made from their side (yes, the blame is on them :P). There comes a point after that where you realise its no longer worth your time to keep trying, and it hits you that you dont feel theyre as important to you as they once were. You feel it should bother you, but it doesnt, because...well it just doesnt. And I guess its that feeling of 'it doesnt bother me' that bothers me. Weird, but what can you do, eh?
  6. Blogger illogicist posted at 12/15/2005 06:24:00 AM  
    (EDIT: where it says 4 other girls, I am NOT implying that Im a girl :P)

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