Everyone's had difficulty sleeping at one point or another in their lives. You'd think that eventually you get used to it, but I'm not sure you ever do. So for the past 2 hours I've been lying down, trying to fall asleep. And its almost funny, or would be funny if it wasnt so damn frustrating, how, when trying to fall asleep, you're never more awake.
So, 2am. Lie down. The room feels too bright tonight. Theres no more light than usual, all is dark except the light from the corridor outside, streaming in from under the door. But tonight it just feels a little brighter than usual. If I was smart, I would've taken it as a sign, a big neon sign that says YOURE GETTIN NO SLEEP TONIGHT BUDDY. But, of course, I think nothing of it. Turn so that my back is facing the light, and close my eyes.
And open my eyes. Click, click, click. Somethings clicking. Somewhere in front of me. What could it be? Is it my cat, sitting on the windowsill? Is she click-click-clicking her claws against the double-glazing? Is it the CD cases on my bed just a few inches away, sliding against each other as the bed moves under my breathing? Or is it something more sinister - a bogeyman, waiting for me to drift into unconciousness, so that he can crawl under the covers and dance on my bellybutton? Well, no such luck, Mr. Bogeyman, theres no sleep for me tonight.
Forget the clicking, turn the other way, you wont hear it. Except now the light is back in my eyes, and the sporadic crackling of my AC is bothering me. I contemplate turning it off, but that'd be pretty stupid, for obvious reasons. Wheres the cat. Is she still on the windowsill? I wish this light would just go away. Even with my eyes closed, its creating patterns under my eyelids. I could turn it off, but I'm supposed to be sleeping. And the more I move, the further I am from it.
And its funny how when you sleep, all your thoughts and worries and hopes flit through your mind, too slow to be ignored, to fast to hold on to. Some random thought will come, flirt with your consciousness, and be gone before you have time to grasp it, replaced by another flirtatious little tidbit.
Roll onto my back. Now I have the clicking of the CDs-slash-bogeyman on my right, and the crackling of the AC on my left. Maybe they'll cancel each other out. Counting sheep. What a good idea. It always works in the cartoons, right? The first few sheep (read: few thousand) are okay, but then they start to look like goats. Whats the difference between a sheep and a goat anyway? How can I not know? Maybe this is a good sign - maybe I'm falling asleep. Oh look, they're sheep again. Wait, no they're not, not anymore...what is that? Looks like some curious mix of the two. I wonder if thats possible. Can sheep and goats mate? Dammit, looks like I'm all out of sheep. Or goats. Shoats?
Time for another plan. Breathing exercises. Yes! This's worked before! Ok, so deep breaths. Deeeeeep breaths. Feel the tension leave your body. Breathe in...picture the air flowing through your limbs like water, filling every pore. Now breathe out, and with that water, expel all the tension. Let it all go. Now try alternating your breathing through your nostrils. Breathe in left. Breathe out right. Breathe in right. Breathe out left. Breathe in left...dammit, blocked nostril! WHY do my nostrils block randomly?
Open eyes. Get up. Turn off corridor light. Pick up book, read book, put down book, do situps, get tired, move CDs so that they stop making that horrible noise, get back in bed, close eyes, breeeeeaaaaaathe....
Click, click, click.
It's gonna be a long night.
Posted by illogicist at 4:23 AM