Monday, May 01, 2006

Post-Relationship Rhetoric

NP - Nevermore - Enemies of Reality

Sometimes I talk to people about old relationships, and almost invariably they say something like "I never loved him/her to start with. It was just a false emotion." If theyre in a current relationship, then this one is REALLY love - the real deal...until they break up, in which case it was false love again.

I dont know, Im not comfortable with that talk.

If you KNEW it was love at the time, how can it not be love in hindsight? Its not like anythings changed, except your perception of the person. You cant change the past - only in your mind. If you dont love them now, it doesnt mean that you never did. It just means things have changed.

Ok, suppose you accept that you did in fact love them in the past. I dont think it means you need to love them now - theres no rule that says love is forever. I think love is born, and can die. Doesnt have to die, but often does. I guess its to be expected. It doesnt take anything away from that last relationship, but you need to be able to put it behind you...and by that I dont just mean 'getting over them', I mean acknowledging that you had something great, and now you dont, and not letting that affect you. Most people tend to either dwell on what they had, or deny that they ever had something at all. Why not just say, yeah we had something great, but its over, and now I'm moving on?

Posted by illogicist at 2:40 PM


  1. Blogger PizzaQueen posted at 5/01/2006 08:44:00 PM  
    but one of the reasons one's moving on might be that it was not love
  2. Blogger Mystique posted at 5/02/2006 02:41:00 AM  
    i agree with you.. i think even if u do realise it wasn't the love u wanted you should never just dismiss something that happened in the past.. every relationship is an experience bad or good and we should always keep it in mind.

    also dimissing it and saying it wasn't love at that time in some way insults ur own intelligence.. it was some kind of love,, just not THE love that you were seeking
  3. Blogger Samyah posted at 5/02/2006 04:07:00 AM  
    I know why they do that, its to make themselves feel better about what they have lost, what they don't have anymore. They take meaning out of it so that it doesn't hurt so much that its gone.

    I've loved before and I'm not ashamed of it. Even if it was undeserving and not returned. I'm glad I followed my heart and I hope I always do!
  4. Blogger Trevelyana posted at 5/02/2006 12:51:00 PM  
    Hmm.. I don't know if love dies all together, but perhaps it evloves into fondness.. which is nice.
  5. Blogger illogicist posted at 5/02/2006 03:53:00 PM  
    @PQ: There is that, but Im talking about when there was love, and then there wasnt. And you deny there ever was.

    @Mystique: it does, it definitely does insult your intelligence. I think it might be a matter of pride for some. Love him/her? Never! :s

    @Sam: its one thing to love before, but Im not sure everyone is prepared to put themselves in such a vulnerable position, and follow their hearts again. what do u think?

    @Leen: what do you mean evolves into fondness? Do you mean like two people in a relationship becoming friends? Ive almost never seen that happen...
  6. Blogger illogicist posted at 5/02/2006 04:36:00 PM  
    btw, i really hated writing that post for some reason. Its something I wanted to blog, but usually I enjoy blogging. That time I didnt. I think I might stay away from this whole relationships bullcrap subject matter for a little while...theres more interesting stuff to talk about anyway!
  7. Blogger PizzaQueen posted at 5/02/2006 08:41:00 PM  
    I will find a gf for you dnt worry baby
  8. Blogger Lym posted at 5/02/2006 11:53:00 PM  

    I acknowledge the fact that I loved bu I'm over it.

    However, what if I experience the real deal, you know, the full blown love experience, when I do experience that (Inshallah), my past 'love' experience will pale in comparison and I'll doubt whether I ever loved that person to begin with. I think then I'll attribute my past so called loved to infatuation or admiration or something subtle of that sort.

    Am I making coherent sense?
  9. Blogger illogicist posted at 5/03/2006 12:31:00 AM  
    @PQ: lol, sure I wouldnt mind. Find me a beautiful italian girl...mmmmm...on second thought, get me two! *hides* But the reason I didnt enjoy it cause, well, I just find the subject matter boring. Its been dealt with a million times in a million blogs.

    @LYM: yup, you make sense. I dont know what 'the real deal' feels like, so I cant agree or disagree. But I suppose it would be nice if it does play out like that.
  10. Blogger dianne_lone posted at 7/10/2006 06:34:00 AM  
    true, love really fades. I once had a relationship with someone who treated me with no respect. When I was in that abusive relationship I cannot leave him because I love him so.. But the minute I was out, I felt like the love is gone.. the love fade.. maybe because of all the hurt I felt. When I came in a new relationship from a guy I met in webdate, I felt the same feeling I have before.. Indeed, this is love again.

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